For those suffering with endometriosis, they know it is not an easy illness to endure. Good days are confused with “being cured.” Bad days are confused with “being unreliable.” It is a vicious cycle that has no ending. We tend to let others make us feel guilty, sometimes putting them first instead of our health, because we want to escape the awkwardness of being a disappointment to them.
But I have begun to realize that my health is more important than anything in this world. If that means disappointing others in my life to make sure I am healthy, then that is what I have to do. That feeling of guilt cannot consume my life any longer.
To those in my life
I have begun to learn that I apologize more often than I should. I tend to walk around like a dog with my tail between my legs, embarrassed and scared that I have probably disappointed another person in my life, and I stress about the judgment that is about to take place.
I am sorry
The things I was once capable of following through with are no longer a guarantee. For that, I am sorry.
I am sorry if I have lost touch with you and do not text you often.
I am sorry if my inability to work the hours you may be looking for is frustrating. It frustrates me, too, that I cannot be reliable.
I am sorry if my illness posts and blogs annoy you. But this is how I cope and help others who are struggling like me.
I am sorry I do not RSVP or attend everything to which I am invited. And if I did have plans to attend, I am sorry when it turns out I cannot.
I am truly sorry
I am truly sorry if I am not always the perfect wife. I try my hardest.
I am truly sorry I am not cured yet and that my illness may annoy, inconvenience, or confuse you.
I am truly sorry if I am having a low-pain day and you confuse it with me being all better.
I am truly sorry if we no longer have things in common.
I am truly sorry if I seem unreliable or disappointing to you.
I am truly sorry if I have days where I seem like I am mad at the world.
I am truly sorry for snapping at you on days when my hormones are just out of control.
I am truly sorry I have a chronic illness.
My health comes first
What I am not sorry for is putting my health first. I am not sorry for taking a step back and making certain I am OK. This may mean hurting and disappointing those closest to me. My rest and my health have now become the most important part of my life. I will no longer allow myself to feel guilty for decisions I need to make about my health.
Sorry, I am not sorry.
Always remember to do what is best for you, even if it means disappointing someone in your life. You should never be sorry for taking care of yourself.
Note: Endometriosis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Endometriosis News or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to endometriosis.