When an endometriosis flare-up attacks, it becomes this battlefield inside of me and turns into this horrendous war with all of my organs. My own body holds me hostage. It is almost as if I’ve become frozen. I crouch over, holding my stomach, waiting, hoping, wishing the pain would stop. I become dizzy, see stars, and have thoughts that my life is about to end race through my mind. I need to use the bathroom, and as I try, I sit there in tears because of the pain. At this point, I just want my life to end. I try to remember what it was I ate or did that day that could have caused the beast to awaken inside of me.
This is just a norm for me
This beast has become a norm in my everyday life. From the moment I wake up to the minute I go to bed, she is in my body waiting to stir up some sort of evil plan. It puts a hold on many everyday activities for me. But not every day is a battlefield inside of my body. Some days, the beast allows me to have limited pain, but one wrong move, and it is war.
Flare-ups can be exhausting; they suck the life right out of me. I find that whenever I have a day in which I am more active or eating non-endo-friendly foods, I pay for it later that evening and even for a few days after. My hips and pelvis become sore, my period will randomly show up, and my entire body feel like it inflated like a balloon.
When a flare-up is coming
Most of the time, I can tell when a flare-up is due. I become hot, clammy, and nauseated and always get a low-grade fever. Sometimes, the pain is so bad that lying down does not even help. The level of discomfort with a flare-up is real. It is usually not something I can shake off, like hitting my funny bone. It is there, and it will linger until it is ready to be finished.
Some days, I feel like I would rather get run over by a bus then wait out a flare-up. The pain can become so excruciating that my entire body aches, from the top of my head all the way down to the tips of my toes. Pain shoots out of every direction it can. It almost feels as though my insides are tangled, wrapped around each other and squeezing so tight. You know that tight feeling you experience when you are getting your blood pressure done? Multiply that feeling by 100 and imagine it happening inside your body.
Sometimes you must wait out the pain
The sad thing is that there are not many things I can do when my body is in this state of attack. For now, endometriosis has no cure. Doctors throw all sorts of ideas out there that we can try, but they do not necessarily cure the beast. Some women can find relief, while others wage a constant battle. When my body is under attack, I find yoga, drinking lots of water, light walking, and spreading out on the floor seem to help. Sometimes, you just need to wait out the pain, no matter how excruciating it may be. Sometimes, what you really need to do is just cry. Let it out. Never be embarrassed or ashamed.
Every day is a constant battle with the type of flare-up I have. But every day I also become stronger. This illness will not define me and I will not let it decide what type of life I am going to live. Flare-ups and all, I am here, boxing gloves on, ready to fight. Always remember you are stronger than you may feel.
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Note: Endometriosis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Endometriosis News or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to endometriosis.